Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
