Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
