just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
time to smoke my breakfast
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
