how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
