K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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