____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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