This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it was like eating out sand paper
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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