Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
