But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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