You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
