Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
