I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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