So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
