normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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