I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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