I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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