i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize