none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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