He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
