It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
