I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
