i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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