Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
