you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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