Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
