margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
