the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
