hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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