It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
