I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
