wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
