Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
