Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The air was thick with penises
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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