Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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