I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
