some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
