good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
