who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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