sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
