I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
