I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
