My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
