Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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