You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
