Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
