I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
