I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize