When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
