Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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