I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
