we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
