I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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