Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
