Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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