It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
