We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
