Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
