i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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