Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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