i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
