ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
