Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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