He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
