Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
