rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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